Visits back to the UK aren’t always a holiday – when those you love aren’t well.

Life is never all sunshine and roses. When we have had the good fortunate of having people in our lives that we’ve loved deeply, and have felt their love in return, it is painful to see that person suffering. Life is all about beginnings and endings, hellos and goodbyes, first moments and celebrations, and also last times of doing things together. During the long-haul travel from New Zealand to the UK there’s always a charged atmosphere of emotions on the plane, with excitement for some – embarking on adventures, holidays and romantic get-aways, maybe nervous anticipating for others, taking on a new job overseas or flying to support a son or daughter as they await the arrival of a new baby, and for others the sinking feeling of worry and grief, travelling to say goodbye to someone whose life is ebbing away, or who is suffering due to an accident or disease.

The plane is a capsule of human emotions, trapped together for a moment, travelling through time and space, everyone with a story to tell.

My last trip to the UK, in October 2024, shared with my husband and our youngest daughter, was one filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. For every moment of laughter there was a counter balanced moment that brought me to tears. There was relief mixed with concern, days of action and movement mixed with the body aching tension of sitting still for long periods of time, whilst travelling via plane and car.

We’d booked the trip knowing my dear Dad had moved into a care home since the last time I’d seen him, just five months earlier in early May 2024 – when he’d started to rapidly decline with his cognitive and physical abilities due to the progression of Alzheimer’s disease. I am forever grateful to my dear sister for ensuring our Dad is cared for in the best way possible. We were also going knowing my husband’s Mum and Dad were needing increasingly more support, feeling extremely grateful to my sister-in-law and her family for being so caring. But, we couldn’t have known how timely our trip was going to be – as my poor mother-in-law was rushed into hospital whilst we were on our way over to the UK, having collapsed in her home, and my father-in-law had fallen the day before, suffering with dementia and not very mobile at 91.

We received a phone call from my sister-in-law whilst we were having a 24-hour stop over in Vancouver, taking the opportunity to rest, and also move our bodies in some fresh air, before the second long-haul flight. We were on a bike ride when my husband got the phone call – and knowing it was very late in the UK there was that instant feeling of worry when receiving a call from a loved one. His sister filled us in on what had happened and, at that stage, it didn’t look like their Mum was going to live past the weekend – with the doctor’s advice to gather all the family as soon as possible to say their goodbyes.

Only an hour before I had been sending messages to family and friends we’d arranged to meet and stay with, on our way up the country to see my husband’s family, as well as my sister and Dad, saying how much we were looking forward to seeing them. All our plans quickly changed and when we landed in the UK we would now make the long drive straight from London Heathrow to north Lancashire, check in with my husband’s sister and then drive to Yorkshire – where his Mum was in hospital in a critical condition.

We still had a night to stay in Vancouver and our flight wasn’t till later the following day, there was nothing we could do to hurry our travel along, so we just hoped we’d make it in time (thankfully, we did, and she pulled through – but we had no way of knowing that at the time) and meanwhile ensured we all got rest and enjoyed the brief time we had in Vancouver.

We have visited Vancouver a couple of times before, once on our honeymoon in 1999 and again in December 2018, and on this occasion we only had 24 hours, so we’d booked to stay at a hotel by Stanley Park, so we could relax, enjoy some gentle exercise and enjoy some sleep between the long haul flights.

The day we arrived our daughter was quite tired from the flight, so whilst she rested at the hotel my husband and I headed out on a bike ride (which was when we received the phone call).

We returned to the hotel to check on our teenage daughter, who had enjoyed a nap, and headed to the pool for a swim before going out to dinner. We found a gorgeous little restaurant, with the most homely feel to it and food that stirred memories of my grandmother’s delicious dinners. We sat outside, on the the little balcony of the restaurant, enjoy the calm, early autumn air and thinking of our family that we would be soon visiting in the UK.

The next day, after a lovely lie in (thanks to the 12 o’clock check out time at the hotel) we headed for brunch before, finding an amazing waffles cafe, before enjoying a walk with our daughter through Stanley Park to the Vancouver Aquarium. We spent a lovely couple of hours enjoying the varied exhibits and seeing animals from the Tropics to the Arctic, as well as loving the majestic sea lions and playful sea otters.

And then it was time to bid farewell to Vancouver and resume our travel onto the UK.

On the day we arrived we got straight in a rental car and headed over 240 miles north. We arrived to see my husband’s Mum in intensive care. In the time since we’d received the phone call a consultant had fitted a temporary external pacemaker, which had helped his Mum’s body to take on the intravenous antibiotics and fight the infection that had caused her fall. Her oxygen levels were still very low, so she had to wear a mask, but she was seeming a little stronger and the following morning she was moved out of ICU onto the cardiac ward, where it was decided that once she was strong enough they would fit a permanent pacemaker.

After visiting her again the next day we then drove an hour and a half to visit my Dad for the first time in the care home, with my dear sister – who had just had a cast removed from her wrist due to being blown off her feet on a recent hiking trip in northern Norway!

My Dad recognised us as we walked in and I had a job holding back tears as I gave him a hug. The staff were all very lovely and welcoming, but I had so many emotions rocketing through me. They showed me a poem that one of them had worked on with Dad – he’d come up with the words and they’d written it on his behalf, as he struggles to write now. It really touched me deeply.

The next two weeks were spent with a mixture of visiting family, the hospital and care home, walks and runs in the beautiful countryside, a couple of days away in the Lake District with family and a few roller coaster rides (at Alton Towers and Blackpool Pleasure Beach)!

For the first part of our stay we based ourselves in the village of Chinley, in the Peak District, so we could visit my sister, Dad and catch up with some of my aunts, uncles and cousins. One day, whilst my sister and I met up with a couple of relatives, to have lunch with our Dad at the care home (followed by a run in the hills), hubby took our youngest to Alton Towers (if you don’t know – it’s a theme park with lots of roller coaster rides set in Staffordshire, England, within beautiful grounds that offer some peace and tranquility – if you ignore the screams from the rides!).

They had a fabulous time (needless to say!) and my sister and I felt revived after a good dose of fresh air running up and down the hills!

For the second half of our stay we were based in Colne, where Dan’s parents and sister and family live. Colne is also famous for being the birth place of the band master that continued playing as the Titanic sunk into the icy depths of the Atlantic.

I got out for a couple of runs in the near by hills, whilst we were in Colne, and we made a few scenic stops at places, either side of hospital visits. One evening, as we drove across the hilly countryside from Yorkshire into Lancashire, we pulled over to admire the spectacular sunset over Pendle Hill on the horizon and explore the intriguing sculpture called ‘The Atom’ in Pendle. It’s one in a series of four ‘Panopticon’ sculptures across Lancashire, England. The Atom was designed by Peter Meacock, Andrew Edmunds and Katarina Novomestska of Peter Meacock Projects. The bronze coated glass fibre reinforced concrete structure provides both a work of art and a viewing point and shelter from which to enjoy the surrounding landscape.

We also also fitted in time to walk up Pendle Hill, finding a loop walk of just under 9km with 346m of elevation gain. The hike up was very much worth it for the views! The hill is famous for its links to three events which took place in the 17th century: the Pendle witch trials (1612), Richard Towneley’s barometer experiment (1661), and the vision of George Fox (1652), which led to the foundation of the Religious Society of Friends (Quaker) movement:

As we travelled, we came near a very great hill, called Pendle Hill, and I was moved of the Lord to go up to the top of it; which I did with difficulty, it was so very steep and high. When I was come to the top, I saw the sea bordering upon Lancashire. From the top of this hill the Lord let me see in what places he had a great people to be gathered. – George Fox: An Autobiography

We had a little stop in the Lake District for two nights before our time in Colne, where we were joined by my sister, and my husband’s brother, sister and their respective other halves! We had a really fun couple of nights, staying in a lovely hotel with a beautiful view. It was a perfect break for everyone, as we were all deeply concerned for my husband’s parents (our nephews looked after their Grandad whilst we were all away, and visited their Grandma in the hospital, it was also a relief knowing we were under a two hour drive away, should we be needed).

During our time in Colne we took our youngest to Blackpool Pleasure Beach (more rollercoaster rides!).

We also had a visit to Howarth Village, home of the Brontë sisters. We happened to time our visit to coincide with a ‘steampunk’ festival, so the narrow cobbled street was full of people in amazing costumes!

On another occasion, on our way back from visiting hubby’s Mum at the hospital, we took a stroll to ‘Brontës Waterfall’, and experienced the unpredicatable nature of the weather in the Yorkshire moors, getting caught out in a heavy hail storm! It made us feel very close to Anne and Emily Brontë, who would never let stormy weather stop them from taking a walk across the moors! As the hail lashed down upon us I thought of Emily’s only novel, ‘Wuthering Heights’; ‘wuthering’ being a Yorkshire dialect word for a cold, howling wind.

All too soon it was time for us to pack our bags and make our journey back to New Zealand, but first we had a couple of nights in the south, catching up with some University friends, a very close school friend of mine, and also taking our youngest to London for a show – we saw ‘Phantom of the Opera’ and the next morning we enjoyed a visit to the Natural History Museum.

It was so hard leaving our family, but a relief to know things were looking up a little for my husband’s parents, though their high care needs were a concern. As for me, I never really felt like I’d had enough time with my dear Dad and it was so painful leaving, having not really seen him in the way I usually would have. I’d had a lovely catch up with my Dad’s older brother and a meal with him, his daughter and grandchildren, but there was an aching gap round the table, where my Dad would have been – if it wasn’t for Alzheimer’s disease stealing his sleep and capabilities to be in the world with us. I consoled myself with knowing that Dad was at least safe now, though I miss being able to converse with him like I used to, take country walks, enjoy a pub meal, play board games and do puzzles with him.

After our goodbyes we boarded the first big plane to Singapore, where we had a 24 hour stop over to rest and recharge before the next long haul flight to Auckland and then on to Wellington.